Thursday, October 14, 2010

No more happy endings

It’s a sad day today as the divorce of one of my close friends gets finalized today. 3 years of marriage and 4 years of relationship has dissolved in to nothing. The worst is that all happy times and memories have been replaced by bitter fights and estrangement.
What led to the death of a relationship born out of love?
They were from different castes but belonged to families which put the happiness of their kids above everything else. They were both working and had stable incomes hence had no financial issues. Both as individuals were positive and well liked in their friends group. They had similar interests and in fact it was this similarity which had bought them closer.
So what happened? When you listen to them, you think even they are not too sure what caused the rift which finally became a chasm to wide to cross.
Small issues which became too much to live with day after day. He resented her closeness to her boss (even though the boss was happily married), her coming late, some of her friends and even the clothes she wore. Incidentally he was first attracted to her because he loved her dressing. She resented his constant jealousy and keeping tabs on her. His criticism about her dressing sense or choice of friends. The dreams that they had seen together also got divided. She wanted to have kids; he wanted to first buy a house.

None of these situations are new. Every married couple has some of these issues in their married lives. But soon these small skirmishes turned into big battles. And as it happens; in the heat of moment they said things that they later regretted, pulled their parents in to their fights, each and every small point/ incident was picked up dissected and used as a weapon against the other.
A time came when each became weary of the other. They avoided each other’s company, lived in the same house as strangers. Tired of living like this they decided to part ways and end what was supposed to be a partnership for life.

I was one of the bridesmaid in their wedding. A witness to their exchange of vows and commitment to each other. All of which came to naught.
I wondered what was better, parting ways and trying to find a chance of happiness again, or living together and trying to find that lost magic which had sparked the union to begin with.
All married couples have fights about various issues. Individuals grappling with daily lives fraught with stress and pressure, fighting the escalating costs and increasing standard of living have lesser and lesser patience with each other. It is killing a lot of relationships today. But is this sacred relationship not worth saving? Not worth fighting for? After all is that not the vow we take? – For better or for worse… till death do us apart.

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